Little Fingers of Life


on January 8, 2012
WOW! Time has flown by since finding out I was pregnant about 7 months ago. Now baby is due in just over 4 weeks. Naturally this time brings with it lots of emotions including excitement, worry, happiness, and anxiousness.

Puppy Picture

In some ways I am ready for baby to be here. I am looking forward to meeting my son or daughter face to face, being able to give one name to this life that has been growing in side of me for so long, to hold him or her in my arms and against my chest, to be able to kiss their little forehead, cheeks, and fingers, and let me not forget about eliminating some of the heartburn and backache. Oh the many joys I have to look forward to, I can not even name them all. Even the joy and anticipation is overwhelming sometimes.

On the flip side there is the worry, the fear, the stress, the unknown. This, in my pregnant, super hormonal mindset, is definitely a strong competitor to the joy.

“How will I do it all? Am I fit to take care of a baby? I can’t even seem to keep up with stuff now, how will I once I have a baby relying on me for all of their needs?”

Picture of a stuffed animal puppy

Those are just a few of the many questions that seem to go through my head on a daily basis. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that any of you with children have probably had many of these same questions at some point. It is so easy to feel inadequate, unprepared, and completely undeserving of such a wonderful gift.

I have all of these things I need to do and also a ton of stuff that I want to have done before baby arrives, yet so little time left. I have work obligations to complete in preparation of maternity leave. I have a few things that need to be arranged and purchased so baby’s needs are taken care of when we come home. I would love to have the nursery completely organized so I am not struggling to find and grab stuff when I’m tired and have a screaming baby waiting on me. I want to have some meals prepared in the freezer so neither myself or my husband are trying to cook every day with a newborn to take care of. At some point in the midst of all of this I also need to attend doctor appointments, which will now be shifting to weekly visits, relax, and sleep a little (yeah, sleep… that is a subject for another post.)

Yet here is the thing, I know these feelings of inadequacy, ill-preparedness, and being undeserving are completely true. Yup, I said it. I am not perfect. I do not have control of my life. I will never know enough, and I’ll continuously make mistakes. Ultimately, I will fail! I will fail to be a perfect mother. I will fail to keep a meticulously clean and organized house. I will fail to teach my child everything there is to know about life. I will fail at preparing the perfect healthy meals every day. I will fail at making the right decision every time. I will fail!

How is that for a depressing thought? However, I actually find this realization comforting. Why? Because I know this is bigger than me. This is so much bigger than my plans, my decisions, my housework, or my job. Ultimately, I am not the one in charge. I know that God has a much bigger plan. He’s the one who gave me this gift. He’s the one who gives me the strength, knowledge, and comfort needed. He has given His son, Jesus, to cover all of these failures of mine. It is the wonderful gift of life and salvation that He provided through His Son. Through all of my mistakes and failures I am forgiven. God blessed us with this child and I know He is in control and will provide. I am so glad this is bigger than me.

I am sure I will continue to feel overwhelmed by it all. I will still stress out and practically break down on my husbands shoulder almost every day about how I am not ready for this and I have to much to get done before baby comes. I am also sure that I will continue to receive his encouragement, support, and help through it all. How wonderfully blessed I am to have him. Now let me see how much of my needs and wants actually get accomplished in these next few weeks.

What do/did you find the most overwhelming about preparing for a baby?

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