Little Fingers of Life

Overwhelmed

WOW! Time has flown by since finding out I was pregnant about 7 months ago. Now baby is due in just over 4 weeks. Naturally this time brings with it lots of emotions including excitement, worry, happiness, and anxiousness.

Puppy Picture

In some ways I am ready for baby to be here. I am looking forward to meeting my son or daughter face to face, being able to give one name to this life that has been growing in side of me for so long, to hold him or her in my arms and against my chest, to be able to kiss their little forehead, cheeks, and fingers, and let me not forget about eliminating some of the heartburn and backache. Oh the many joys I have to look forward to, I can not even name them all. Even the joy and anticipation is overwhelming sometimes.

On the flip side there is the worry, the fear, the stress, the unknown. This, in my pregnant, super hormonal mindset, is definitely a strong competitor to the joy.

“How will I do it all? Am I fit to take care of a baby? I can’t even seem to keep up with stuff now, how will I once I have a baby relying on me for all of their needs?”

Picture of a stuffed animal puppy

Those are just a few of the many questions that seem to go through my head on a daily basis. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that any of you with children have probably had many of these same questions at some point. It is so easy to feel inadequate, unprepared, and completely undeserving of such a wonderful gift.

I have all of these things I need to do and also a ton of stuff that I want to have done before baby arrives, yet so little time left. I have work obligations to complete in preparation of maternity leave. I have a few things that need to be arranged and purchased so baby’s needs are taken care of when we come home. I would love to have the nursery completely organized so I am not struggling to find and grab stuff when I’m tired and have a screaming baby waiting on me. I want to have some meals prepared in the freezer so neither myself or my husband are trying to cook every day with a newborn to take care of. At some point in the midst of all of this I also need to attend doctor appointments, which will now be shifting to weekly visits, relax, and sleep a little (yeah, sleep… that is a subject for another post.)

Yet here is the thing, I know these feelings of inadequacy, ill-preparedness, and being undeserving are completely true. Yup, I said it. I am not perfect. I do not have control of my life. I will never know enough, and I’ll continuously make mistakes. Ultimately, I will fail! I will fail to be a perfect mother. I will fail to keep a meticulously clean and organized house. I will fail to teach my child everything there is to know about life. I will fail at preparing the perfect healthy meals every day. I will fail at making the right decision every time. I will fail!

How is that for a depressing thought? However, I actually find this realization comforting. Why? Because I know this is bigger than me. This is so much bigger than my plans, my decisions, my housework, or my job. Ultimately, I am not the one in charge. I know that God has a much bigger plan. He’s the one who gave me this gift. He’s the one who gives me the strength, knowledge, and comfort needed. He has given His son, Jesus, to cover all of these failures of mine. It is the wonderful gift of life and salvation that He provided through His Son. Through all of my mistakes and failures I am forgiven. God blessed us with this child and I know He is in control and will provide. I am so glad this is bigger than me.

I am sure I will continue to feel overwhelmed by it all. I will still stress out and practically break down on my husbands shoulder almost every day about how I am not ready for this and I have to much to get done before baby comes. I am also sure that I will continue to receive his encouragement, support, and help through it all. How wonderfully blessed I am to have him. Now let me see how much of my needs and wants actually get accomplished in these next few weeks.

What do/did you find the most overwhelming about preparing for a baby?

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New Year New Goals

Ultrasound Picture

What better way to start a blog in the new year than to talk about goals? Yeah, it’s pretty cliche, but hey, with a little one due in about a month, I’ll take cliche at the moment.

1. Figure out a schedule with the new baby.

I know this will be complicated and baby will completely rule my schedule (let’s face it, baby already does) but it’s definitely one I will need to work out. It will be interesting learning to manage work, a bit of personal time, and keeping up with chores around the house all with a new baby to completely rule my life.

2. Make some time for myself.
I think this will be one of the most challenging in this upcoming year. Between finishing my Internship and school, adjusting to life with a newborn, and hopefully getting a call as a Deaconess there will be lots of changes and lots of demands on my time. However, I also know I need some quality me time. This is something I have not been good at taking the way it is. Hopefully I can find a way to at least make sure I get one full day off of work every week.

3. Make something once a month.
This will also be an ambitious goal for me and will tie in directly to my previous goal. This might include making a new gluten-free baked good (successfully,) woodworking, sewing, etc. I’m sure there will be plenty of things I can make and put to good use with a new baby around. I am also completely willing to wait a month or two to start this one with the baby’s arrival so close.

4. Learn a new skill.
I have been hoping to learn crocheting or knitting for a while now. I’ve tried to start a project a couple of times but, partly because I’m horrible about taking time for myself and partly because I’m just really impatient sometimes, I haven’t completed one. I ran into a problem with the last couple projects I started that I could not figure out, leading to the project sitting there uncompleted. Perhaps if I manage to learn WITH or FROM someone I’ll be a little more likely and motivated to complete a project.

5. Take more pictures.
Now this should be a simple one! I imagine if for some reason I’m not keeping up I’ll get plenty of pestering from family, especially since they are all far away. I’m also sure that I’ll find my little one so cute and adorable I will not be able to resist snapping some pictures on a regular basis. Since my iPhone is my camera and it is practically attached to me all the time I’ll always be ready to snap those photos. When it comes down to it I LOVE taking photos, all types of photos, I’m just horrible about actually taking them. This will give me a good reason to do so and enjoy a little hobby time in the midst of the chaos. Perhaps if I follow through with this one enough I can actually justify getting a nice good quality camera… oh how I have dreamed of one for years.

Although I have lots of things I would love to accomplish for the year, getting organized, saving money, exercising, etc. I think creating a limited amount of goals is much more realistic than actually trying to make all of my dreams a goal. I firmly believe in the idea of creating realistic and achievable goals. That being said I am also going to give myself some grace and flexibility with these goals. With the arrival of our baby and some adjustments that are bound to happen in life I may change, add, or modify these goals accordingly.
What are some of your goals for the year?

 

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